My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
