i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
