my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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