wakey wakey hands off snakey
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is wine microwaveable?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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