my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
