Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
