Christians are straight up FREAKS
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
