hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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