I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
