Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
