Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
