Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize