Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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