I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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