Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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