If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
