i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
