yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
