i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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