Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
