The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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