Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
