or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
