She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
