Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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