Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
