I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
