He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
