dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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