I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
