he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
