I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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