What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
