Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
