1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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