Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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