i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize