Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
