There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
