lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
