Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
