I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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