capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
