everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
