...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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