I wish my penis had an off switch
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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