Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
