I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
