She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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