when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
