Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
