Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
