I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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