He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
