make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
