haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
