So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
