I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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