I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need water and some morals
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
