Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
