Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
