I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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