Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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