she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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