Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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