i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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