i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
